Friday, April 17, 2009

it just occurred to me that

even Jesus fell while carrying his own cross. Jesus is so much more like me than i thought..

Posted by keithc at 11:28 AM

Sunday, April 12, 2009

urghh these few weeks i honestly dont have the mood to blog though many many many things have happened. and many many things have struck me.

remembering what pkm said on inaug night once again, this time im denying myself for my sake:)

so it starts from orientation on 31st march. the worst orientation ever in terms of programme and planning.... too much waiting and wasting away. but my class was overly enthu! if it were my jc class attending this, everyone would have ponned after the 1st day. but this class made me attend, surprisingly! and though we wasted away, we wasted away together. (what does that mean anyway.) all in all, it was important still because of the new classmates and the course briefing. im fully sure this course is what i want to do... and while i may have second thoughts on NYP, whether SP or TP would have been a better choice, im sure this course is the right one, and that should come first always.

that same week i had an intensive time of playing for worship because of the 2 adults' service for palm sunday and trackers grad night. was very tiring!! i think im getting shorter because i keep carrying the guitar and bass around, its quite sian. and recently too i've been having many impressions of just enjoying worship, the music and the flow and playing up on stage because it is something to be proud of after all, all the many prayers of humility and submission has given me an impression that i'm reduced to nothing but a mere tool. i am a tool for God, but im not a mere tool, no. i chose to be there and i know God credits those who serve him according to his heart and desire for honouring Him... this would also help me burn out less...

speaking of burn out, because school hasnt started and because im now more... stripped, i havent burned out in a long time, ptl:) also able to volunteer more on sundays which i dont commit to, which is quite a blessing!

so trackers 09 has ended, another batch graduated. recalling the days before my time at 08, indeed God has been faithful throughout! and at grad night my heart just poured out with joy because i've witnessed another batch of youth once again, on fire and totally devoted to God. it is a rare thing to see, especially within our local churches. and very very encouraging of course. i will strive much more to maintain that vulnerable heart all of them have, one that is always open to God's direction and leading. one that always surrenders, always yields, always prays and desires to honour God more than anything else. and it was such a new thing to me last year, to be really literally down at the feet of Jesus, pleading and petitioning for the change in ourselves, his will in our lives, personal revival and so on. i love this, i love God and the wonderful work he has done in people's lives.. the many fantastic testimonies from all of us as individuals indeed compile up a volume of God's faithfulness. it is totally right to brand trackers as a journey of faith!
hahahah now many (ok not so many) 08 friends are talking about how i've been DIFFERENT because of trackers 09! ahhaa nono my life changed in 08 so 08 will always be more remembered! but peeps from 09 has blessed me tremendously, in terms of growth... man i've spent a total of 4 months excluding internship of my life just doing bible study and 2 mission trips.. cant believe it, that God really placed these plans ahead of me and let it all fall nicely to align with the free time i have since poly starts much later.

so i went back again to sengkang primary on tuesday and wednesday to help out, i must say slowly the kids are growing on me, their smiles and their faces which i have seen so often since the week before. but all in all, im still not into this ministry yet, just making myself available to do what i can. hmm doing what i can has been quite a main theme of this year for me. for trackers, it started like that. doing what i can, for pkm and the mentors. for the help at sengkang primary as internship as well. for grad night, even for ministry in agape... whenever i can, i do.. but of course im more aware of my breaking points nowadays, and have been saying no to some things as well... the only time i broke that "doing what i can do" attitude was during the mission trip since the mission trip was for a purely deliberate cause. i had to break all that down and determine why i went to myanmar.

and on thursday, i spent it with the trackers crashing matthias house at 7am for his bday! cant believe i left house at 600 la! i was insane hahaha. but because all of the trackers guys will be going off to tekong this week, i really felt like seeing them before it all ends. and i know, i know once army starts its more or less the end for trackers to meet up at fixed timings. its super difficult to maintain such relationships especially when we move on all together in our lives, meeting different groups of people and changing as individuals as well. but the important thing i've learned is to REMEMBER. to REMEMBER the great times spent with each person, to remember how that person has touched you, and also how God has used him/her. its not really about meeting up all the time when it comes to maintaining relationships... i still remember each tracker i've invested time in in 08...

in the aft, i went to pass my stupid basic theory evaluation. cant believe we actually HAVE to study for it... considering i failed the first time. stupid stupid stupid evaluation!! think im gonna give driving a break after btt, its really quite a waste of time.

then went out with kaixiang and jacob in the afternoon, my cell mates who are most neglected.. i've been wanting and waiting for an opportunity as well, and it came when they asked me first:) so i just went around walking and wasting time with them, asking them stuff along the way... it was still a good time of fellowship and i know, i know and understand and empathise exactly what they lack in church. went to maundy thursday service together, and once again got touched by God and how he did such a lame thing- washing of the disciples' feet even when he knew he was going to die soon. he just HAD to "demonstrate the full extend of his love", and that is servanthood. i just cannot imagine honestly, how

"Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God
so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. 5After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him." John 13:3-5

keyword: "so".

Jesus knew he had power and authority, SO he washed his disciples' feet.
does that make any sense to you at all?? its totally contradictory right? such is the love of God, the one trait that makes Jesus different from all other beliefs and religions. LOVE AND SERVICE is second nature to him!! this revelation opened my eyes to YET another perspective of God... one i cannot fully grasp. i understand that i can never understand. not yet.

the LCEC washed the congregation's feet that night, to those who were willing to humble themselves to being washed. and humility is mutual, Jesus demonstrated humility to his disciples, but it also takes humility to let Jesus wash your feet, just like Peter who was so embarassed to let him wash his feet... i was surprised Pastor got down so quickly and easily as well, becoming a professional foot washer the very moment he left the pulpit.

and after friday's good friday service was caleb's bday celebration.. haha the clique's bday outings are getting more fun, especially at night when yanling and samuel got really high and we all started taking stupid photos! caleb also towards the later part of the night. and i rly cant believe the guys of our clique srsly, enping caleb samuel daniel u guys are SICKK la hahaha. crapp i shall pretend we didnt even TALK during that night. hahah really enjoy it whenever there are stayovers. i still havent treated them to ice cream.. sometime in the future!

and on saturday, stayed over at night at church with kiat and tracy lois and sistle. i think it was a good time for me to just review how seriously am i treating christianity, and more importantly Jesus' death on the cross.. it is after all, the basis for our faith. if there was no cruxifiction, there would be no forgiveness and righteousness. if there was no resurrection, there would be no victory in our lives after being forgiven... its a fantastic before-after plan, and both work hand in hand. more on this tomorrow!!!

Posted by keithc at 6:43 AM