Friday, January 05, 2007

start of something new

its the start of something new


it feels so right to be here with you... oooHHhohHH...




dammit thinking of my sis, jessica janice and lois. hahahaha... crazy high sch freaks.

ok, so its the start of another new year... so real.. so pain. u know since sec1 everyone talks about o levels... and its so distant. even at the end of sec3, o levels seemed as distant as in sec1... but when school started.. immediately its as if o levels popped out of no where...

change of mood leh.. sec4.. i feel serious. super serious... maybe i'll be a lennard's bro... starting already so serious....


yesterday, i got sent outta class 2 times... with a few others. cause i didnt complete my E maths for e math class and A maths for a math class... so sad. or unlucky.. but wadever la. i thought it was ok, cause i fully deserved it..
and then i also thought about the COS thing... about what daniel said "aiyo.. 3 bb boys stand up" and one of them is a COS... so i thought. wtf. how can my standards be like tt... i may seem like i catch up with my bb budds a lot, soccer and stuff... but the real me is this slacker??? this ass who cant even complete the basic homework for the new year?
i sensed disappointment in daniel la... so i felt real bad not just for myself... but for others... the ones who had hope in me... the ones who encourage me just to see me fail.. like last year.
as ppl walked pass along the walkway, seeing how i get humiliated... i thought about the past, how my standards were way higher and stuff.. how teachers liked the "bright, bubbly boy" <-- from report cards...

but now, its like i've slackened. i can be bubbly, but not bright anymore. issit cause i've seen the world? i've let it affect my energy? why ain't i caring anymore???? this is badd.... and to think i only noticed it NOW when its been happening back in sec2...

i suddenly told myself on the spot... i dun wanna be sent out ever again.. which means i'll need my full house homework the coming monday... it will mean,
completing e rest of e maths, (more then 3/4 left)
completing e rest of a maths, (around 1/2)
completing my studies for matrices, (i think i'll eat into monday and tuesday)
completing the e math homework, (quite a lot of pages+ self study.. by wed.)
completing the minor SS and Chinese homework by tmr (very little.. i think)

yeah... its A LOT LAA WTDDD and i was actually supposed to hand in pages 5,6,7,8 of A math by today, but i was too slow.. couldnt complete it.. i rushed last night pages 2 and 3, and it took nearly 3 hours... and a book review, so i slept at 1.. just like that, i'm so tired. wahhh and i'm so slowww...

but i dun mind, cause my attitude towards e com is like ZZZ. i wanna do my SS and chinese TODAY! omgsh? am i crazy???

maybe temporarily, but i hope to keep it up. just like quiet time.. its not a habit yet, but i'm trying... there are still days where i accidentally break it, cause i'm too tired...

miss liang had a point... we aim for the best, we do our best, and God will provide.. so now i will go.. tire myself out. do until i hate it so much. and somehow, god will make a way for me to enjoy myself... i can just trust in faith.
tonight, i'll be pushing the tired limit to do the SS and chinese.. i hope it'll be a start for a studious weekend... and then jammming with church tmr. which was postponed again by God, to help me hand up my A maths homework. SO TIMELY RIGHT?
JUST WHEN I THOUGHT "THERES NO WAY I CAN HAND THIS UP" VIOLET SMSED ME SAYING WORSHIP PRAC WAS POSTPONED.
and with miss lee's grace, i can hand up 5,6,7,8 9 and 10 next week... i love her!

God will provide... its too comforting a phrase. even for losers... like me. truely, without him. i can never face the world. thats why non christians.. are the strongest ppl around... but then again, god makes us go through trials to grow closer to him... ahh. 2 way thing.

just wana say... i screwed up my first week. i screwed up 2 teachers' impression of me... teachers whom i dun wanna screw around with. but well, like i said. i deserved it. how can i come to sch and NOT EXPECT the teachers to WALLOP me? hahaha...
this few nights have been hell... like atoning for my slack in the hols... so i can say i suffered too, i'm not guilty of getting away easily..

just that with God, there is grace... :D
and grace gives me hope.
and hope makes me face up to the reality
of this horrid and so-real year...

coldplaying.keith.

Posted by keithc at 7:06 AM