Friday, December 14, 2007
i'm going crazy.
it feels like puberty all over again...
i'm waste. i'm a trash.
am i being testosterone controlled again? by my male ego?
i dont want to be myself anymore. starting today, i am gone.
starting today, nothing i do will be for myself.
starting today, i will not crack lame jokes. whether to appease myself, or others.
starting today, i shall renew my spirit, i shall walk in the light again.
starting today, i will seek first the kingdom of God, and not expect anything else to follow through.
starting today, i will combat my sin with my gang.
starting today, i will not succumb to pretty faces.
starting today, hot blood will have a higher boiling point.
starting today, i shall find my purpose which was lost.
help me Lord Jesus, to be the keith you want me to be, not the keith that keith wants to be.
for what is existance without God?
its just existing to exist.
what is a rock and roll life with gear, girls, drinks and drugs?
its just existing to exist.
what is self boosting of self-esteem?
crap.
what is fantasy?
time wastage.
time to wake up, everything Self-provoked is worldly. everything that makes you smile is worldly.
but when God makes you smile, its not considered a smile. its a rare, much sought after joy that you cant find on your own.
the peace which transcends all understanding.
its time to forget vaughan, forget hendrix, and just play for God.
its time to forget paul, forget girls, and just concentrate for his work.
all this, not by my own effort, but with the help of God, if he grants it.
Posted by keithc at 1:36 AM
Monday, December 10, 2007
crazy month, been having so much fun after O levels ended...
today's the break from chalet, bangkok and church camp consecutively. i'm pretty sad life is back to being at home. but then went to mencee's house and spent time with the bb guys. though i felt weird and sad, watching a movie that didnt finish. but yes it is definitely a time that will be remembered, i dont know how many more there will be.
soccer pls... i havent kicked a shit in 2 weeks...
so much has happened over the course of planning for the church camp...
i'm not even sure if relationships have been strengthened after the camp, or brought further apart because, maybe, we know more about each other?
after this camp, i LOVE:
joel, for smsing so many encouraging things that make my heart beat harder and my mind think sharper and more seriously.
ariel, for being who he is, and sharing with me stuff about girls.
terry, for being uber funny and sporty.
shawn, for being a great and obedient team leader.
janice, for being my other half and cracking crap.
roland, for sticking up for us all all the time.
friends outside of church.
your band.
your hobbies.
your life.
all these are just in the way. i've lost lots of these, enough to say i'm super happy to belong to my church... i wonder if we have just too much to let go off? would you take a bold step to ask god to take away these things? its gonna hurt so much...
dillon, ariel, andrew,alvin,joash,how kiet.joel.
out of all of you,
1 is my best church friend. one relates to me like everything. one has changed church, one has just joined, one is my worship leader, one is my youth comm chairman and one is a super old lao jiao.
the craziest group in the church. eeeuuuuuuu guys raaawwwwkks la.
this is by far the lamest and funniest bunch of friends i have.. i never thought we'd be like that hahaha, and i really enjoy lan, not because i won, (haha) but because for the first time we really played together, and its very different when the girls are around...
the best part is, even though Os separate us, even though we are moving along in our lives to different stages, we still will see each other every week. thats fantastic, thats like guaranteed best friendships.
it feels the same as if zack and chak were still around... the warmth, support, joy and jokes.
and i really like the fact that we're all pretty... low ended. for the first time in my life, ppl are actually like me. and come to think of it, no 2 ppl in the group are alike, and to each person, i have different things to talk about... arent we so unique...
oh well, anyway i kinda miss many many friends.. but these few in particular since i havent talked or seen them since.. Olevels have ended, or quite long la.
sihui, tuck yan, jacon, shu yi, delci, danielsim, joanna, yeong chuan.
for some reason, yes.
wad kinda post is this... its almost perfect. there isnt any hint of sadness hahaha. life has been good. seriously...
and i got a shock today. i saw some tshirt which wrote log(a+b) = 2
and i forgot how to do!?
issit:
10^2= a+b?
oh well. i'm worried if i get into JC already.
but i'm worried i'll be influenced if i choose poly. poly, just gives you tooo much room.
JC, is madness. u slog, but for someone like me, its gonna be crazy getting pass the first year, let alone As....
all i need now is for God to drop a poly course for me out of the sky. then i'll just take it.
i need my direction. i need my golden compass.. (i hate that moviee...)
Posted by keithc at 9:46 AM
