Monday, March 31, 2008
didnt mean to blog, but msn has probs and i cant send pics to anyone.. anyway delci's just asking for it by asking me to upload the pics on my blog whahha...
seems like all girls are unglam these days... (even ian's stunned at the back)
from left: rophi, delci, cool guy, enping, ian, daniel, xinghui, derek. more than 80% of my friends are in ac... but its ok... hahaha cause cj rox just as much...
speaking of cj, this is my super cute senior from trackers who went to india with me.. she's victoria and she was an ex cj girl too. we kinda look 14 years old in this pic right.. and back then i havent perfected the sunken cheeks thing yet lol...
and this is my buddy marissa! she's not your average girl ok, she's crazy..
but here i thought in this pic she looked a bit like vicky up there right? i think i should cut my hair alr... long fringe is making me look really different..
i realised i havent posted a SINGLE picture with friends from church... lets post some from the 5th sunday since my sister took some!
cant be bothered to flip the pics, go flip ur computer or your head.
janice and howkiat...
i dont know what the girls are doing but thats unglam lois!
this should give u an idea on how huge my youth hall is... not that big but nice and cosy...
orange- alvin
green- joel
white- daniel
maroon- dillon
red- me.
dil me and ariel?? on drums? God rly made a difference on sunday! music was loud. was shiok.. very encouraged by joel's and the youth's feedback too...
games were fun too...
tired tired tired, nights!
Posted by keithc at 5:48 AM
Sunday, March 30, 2008
ok this is retarded... cutter and i just realised how much homework we really have.jc like that, ARMY SURE DIE LA.
i cant believe i wasted 5 hours at fun o rama though... it rly wasted my entire saturday.. nonetheless it was a great time of bonding and meeting old/super old/lost friends as well as my sec school budds and trackers budds! hahaha...
only no church budds...
but oh well i actually wanted to see ronda dionne glenda amandal sherrie christabel all at once there lol... and the convo started with "hey guys, ........." then i realised i was actually the only guy. but it didnt go as well as i thought la.. cause of STNICKS funfair lol... not that i think ac is better, but if its far then its far la right!! (ok at this point some people will be saying YA RIGHT LIKE REAL DISTANCE IS SO NOT THE FACTOR) but i dont care la cause this is my blog whahah.
felt kinda regretful not joining shuyi, sihui fiona and yiling at the funfair... cause i promised to be with yanling and delci alr...which led on to rophi, derek, daniel and enping.. wished caleb was there though! then after that ronda and dionne came to find me too.
and then the ex 1b guys went for dinner at fish and co... and i had to be home cause my cousin came back... aiya very bad timing la... feel partially burdened also. maybe they feel i dont want to be around??
but rly.. its these thoughts that kill you and make you emo. i dont have to be accountable to anybody, who i was with or who i spent my time with... cause i treat all my friends equally..
i still dont have a best friend. i doubt i will need one... or could it be that i'm afraid that the one best friend may turn away and hurt me? its something buried way too deep last year i cant bear to dig it out again...
but i'm getting along fine.. sharing different problems with who i feel is suitable to share with.
nonetheless, Jesus being the one who knows all of these problems at the same time. its sufficient hahaha...
i think being in cj.. did things to me. when i saw my old friends again its like the OHHHH I MISS YOU kinda feeling, as if you never saw them for 10 years when its only 10 days.
really missed nat and wenjie, derek, rophi, xinghui, cheryl too.. it was an unexpected feeling but i felt as if we had lots to catch up.. everyone just seems to be in ac hahah...
ronda and dionne too... it was great meeting up with them again. though that ball was a bit sian already (must be st nicks) but ronda is mad. she's just crazy all the way to the extreme.
ohh other than the fellowship, fun o rama was quite a disappointment to me. for one reason.
NO ICE CREAM FLOATS. what is this! record breaking you know! first year they didnt have ice cream floats. whats the point of having ice cream without root beer, or root beer without ice cream? PEK CHEK LA... i hunted around the school with delci when yanling had to go. after that i hunted even more with ronda and dionne. and still no float. i think the ice cream sunk la. whahha.
i feel the man rising up in me LOL. i've had no emo gushes this week and i'm happy about it! perhaps it was due to the task of leading worship today, i had 2 weeks of focus on the task so my mind didnt stray anywhere far. seriously, His Grace is enough... and i'm so thankful God poured out all of it on me this week... to control my feelings, control my actions and made me more focussed. today's 5th sunday was the best... it can only get better thanks to adelle! i think she's rly doing a fantastic job and its inspiring me and others as well... nice one la adelle!
i cant blog now, its been a fruitful week but i think i only typed 40% here..
tons of work. so little time.
but i like. no time to emo... LETS GO LETS GO LETS GO.
Posted by keithc at 5:17 AM
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
cant believe i'm hitting my 80th post, shows i'm emoing very often!! no good!! lol.but its good.. good that i get it now than later. shows imma growing boy lol... not just physically of course, (not just physically sideways to be specific.)
suddenly, i feel as if all's lost, all's gone. and i'm not holding onto anything anymore... why do i keep choosing to hold on to things that arent significant in my life, when there are so many more important things at hand for me to grasp on to...
schoolwork's a great challenge, improving my guitar skills and all, ministry and the tasks i'm assigned to do, it should all come first. even my fitness level.. arhh i cant survive mass pe.. though i have significantly improved alr lol.
great that i've let go of some stuffs, or maybe God helped me by taking them away? Thank you, i will continue focussing on the tasks at hand. Holidays were really... way too much time for me to digress into things i shouldnt be into. from now on its no more lots-of-free-time-play-play keith, no more emo-1-korner attitudes or joker attitudes.
the real guy will shine through lol... (pls dunn laugh i mean it!!! urghh)
and i'm not afraid to ask for additional prayer... so if you feel compelled to do so, do pray for me.. it wont be easy here in cjc.
this sun's worship is starting to get me worried... the first 5th sunday we're gonna blow up the youth atmosphere, and the special programme.. i pray it'll be great, jiayou adelle! for the first time, there will be outsiders entering agape too... including some of my trackers friends i hope! and my sister and her friends invited more fairfield people too. pray i'll have the annointing and leadership enough to manifest God's prescence this sunday...
til then, school's still busy urghh.. shout out to mark ho and buddy marissa! these 2 next to me everyday, makes jc life funnier hahahaha...
"whoa mr kam rub the board rub until so hard!"
"see la! never go army thats why laa!!"
and my gp teacher.. he rly got me stunned today..
"can you think of any other words that have the same meaning as NEW?"
"teacher, can i say FRESH?"
"wad fresh?? fresh babes right?"
me: STUNNED
"ahh there he dont say anything i also know what he's thinking of already"
me in my head: WHOAAA KANA BULLY BY GP TEACHER WHOAAAAA THATS IT. after i go army i come back find you ah!!!!
class erupted in groans and laughter... and i was still perma stunned...
ok la i kinda feel guilty at the mr kam joke la... it was quite bad of mark and i. not to mention, my poor justification of "but jc life sucks! no choice must make life entertaining" is not really good enough whaahah. thats why i fail gp whahahah.... btw, the army jokes are rly kind of an inside joke la hahhaha...
til the end of the week!
----------------------------------
i was right, everyone's different.
and i am different as well, perhaps for the better.
but why cling on when i can embrace.
why hurt myself when i have a choice?
lets live sec4 all over again, focus.
Posted by keithc at 1:53 AM
Sunday, March 23, 2008
another bhb quote from me to Joel!"at first ur damn chui... then you choose to wait on the Lord. He may not deliver you or speak to you the day after, maybe only after 3 days. then in those 3 days of waiting, wont life suck!!?"
-saturday night.
sunday morning i took the stand to ask for more infilling of the Holy Spirit. the champion and comforter in my life... i needed more, more and more. cause there's no end to how much holy spirit you can get..
its not that my cup isnt full. or that it HAD overflowed and is maxxed out to the brim.
but i want it to be overflowING. constantly spilling out everywhere, thats the power that we know God is capable of giving in his time.
i remember how i used to pour my 4/5 troubles at any point in my life to God one day of the week. yes, i'm revealing how much i used to cry alone. once a week.
but since this started it felt like honeymoon, i havent been doing that, or giving all my problems to God.. i have been empowered but i forgot the most important thing. i can believe "God u are there so u know wad, yes my life rocks." but the fact is that i have not been telling him.
theres no limit to how deep your relationship with God can be. there's also no end to how much holy spirit he can pour fourth on you. and no end to how much tears can flow once u decide to make his spirit yours.
i know God would have came either way, be it 3 days, or next week. but he chose today in church... for some reason, the spirit extremely powerfully today... and i cried for the first time in my church today. suddenly, as the speaker spoke i am suddenly reminded at the many problems/stresses i face. and honeymoon was over.
back to how problematic my family actually really is, back to how impossible it seems to survive next year's As and be serving at the same time. back to what i'm organising/planning and how i could do better in class. and of course, small, matters of the heart which actually seem huge to most guys... i'm sorry to classmates reading this... i kinda lost my freewill in blogging knowing so many ppl actually read my blog whahha...
thanks be to God la, who chose to speak to me today, and not leave me in hell for the next 3 days or week or so. i'm glad i didnt turn to the dark side, but chose the tears and the route back to the Lord. its like right in front of my face today! free holy spirit! more than what you already have! come come take it. He just loves us so much...
why wait? Mai tu liao just go grab it la.
sometimes we think too much. i know in the midst of the congregation my youth members who know they need this... they need their breakthrough. they need more. they cant see where God is leading them. but then this phrase will come "nahh not ready yet." "nahh no use one la". "got enough le."
i mean.. ok la the 3rd quote is valid.. it means you know you're really empowered at this point of your life. but why not ready? just go for whats best... free also..
Joel urged me to hope that saturday night. my last post ended with "hope". this morning the message was about it... and my heart was compelled by romans 5:5,
"And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
doesnt sound too straight. basically, if we hope, God wont destroy it. it will come... cause he loves us.
Jiayou to classmates who emoed at my emo posts... lol hope ur encouraged at my encouraging post!
Posted by keithc at 6:38 AM
Friday, March 21, 2008
i opened this page thinking of emo ranting everything again.but thanks dionne for sharing, and yes indeed i'm understanding exactly how you felt. its just horrible..
life sucks but rocks.
trapped but free.
empty yet filled.
i thought what i said to dionne made sense.. lol i'm bhb la so i'll post it for your viewing pleasure lol.
they always say we humans have this hole in us.. and we keep trying to fill it with things like music, drugs, beer, sex, doing stupid things, being obsessed over idols, money, work. and yet we never feel happy.
then we receive God and the holy spirit and the woo we are filled and happy!
but when you really really desire this special someone. suddenly another hole is created. and it seems like God cant fill this one already. dun get me wrong, the other hole is already filled, and yet there's still the partial emptiness.
emptiness is the theme word for today, its easter around the korner, and the empty tomb is what we're celebrating over, and yet an empty heart still hurts, wad to do, hope.
Posted by keithc at 8:32 AM
Sunday, March 16, 2008
okay.. pics time! i have so many pics i wanna upload!! wanted to do it on facebook but its too troublesome selecting and then uploading before selecting again from another folder. urghh actually it isnt so easy here either... so imma separate my pics posting into 4 segments...i wanna post BB pics, sec4 pics, sec1/2 pics, and trackers pics! hahaha... but for now i'll just post the sec4 pics... i do miss fairfield and the faded yellow uniform.. it smells good, spells comfort and makes me young and stressful again... (ok this is just cause the cj uniform's still horrible... urghh)
this is kinda gay cause i remember telling myself in sec4 i'd either go to ac or poly, cause cj's uniform suck and lanz toh looked so horrible... urghh now i gotta eat my words and wear this horrible uniform... but well thats just the surface right... cj's a great place!
my RND group acting glam in school blazers! first time we went for something that prestigious... wah if we won we could have went up on stage to collect some prize... dam.
delci! i rmb she looked even whiter than white on that day cause of some sore throat... thankfully our presentation still went smooth.
yanling!
the 4 of us actually wanted to take a pic, but in 1 second, everyone somehow squeezed their way in... hahahaha.
the 4f guys in vietnam... missing some i guess. gosh i look slim.
woo class shot with mdm toh! look at her unglam pose!
gangsters shot! (though all of us look like harmless innocent kids, yes)
2F shot!
a couple of years ago i would have done anything to take a picture with her! but then on the last day of school i just asked her for a shot la. no kick :)
err. ok la since she made that face... hahaha...
4f chalet 07.. this was after we got caught playing soccer on some state land... the T symbolises trespassers!! cause we got caught by police and all. small matter whahha.
i posted this somewhere... ahha how does enping self-destruct??
if i'm not wrong, this is either a 1b or 2f shot!!
fern my best friend, together with delci and rophAT!
ian my drummer boy... and tts julia's tortoise!
more on next post!! lazy to add... zz why cant they develop better image uploading stuff.
Posted by keithc at 1:09 AM
Friday, March 07, 2008
woo this week is super happening!had intaj group dinner on tuesday, samuel's bday celebration on thursday and jolyn (fellow tracker's) birthday party on friday night at downtown! of course i had to stay over, how can i dont stay over when i actually went all the way down on a tired friday??
first, its the holidays already!! so hard to believe that the moment i settle into jc its alr march and term one's syllabus are suppose to be at my fingertips already.. this is madness. lets see how many maths subs i've been through.. and how many i actually know.
1.partial fractions
2.MI (math induction)
3.sequences
4.binomial
5.sigma notation
what i know:
1/2 of MI.
this is crazyness man... econs too, and gp is retarted!!! its just crazy how many things we have to know. i share your pains, all 2nd intakers... (esp if u are in ac, hc or some elite jc) life must be 2 times harder there than in cj i suppose... at least i can still go out so many times this week... (my class 1t11 (loves!) goes out almost everyday cause far east is just 15mins away from cj XD)
and yet i declined going two times.. just wanna slack sometimes..
new classmates are nice... yunsong, soloman, samuel, mark, all rather new friends la as of this year, but we kinda seem to clique well. not to mention my buddy marrisa who's really like a buddy, shalini who always tells me the timetable for the next day, bonnyyy who takes pics without sending them around, stephanie, melissa, christabel, belle, sherryyy. totally happening man..
miss lee is exactly like miss lee... naggy and fast.
gp teacher is scary.
lit teacher is imbally professional...
chem teacher is a friendly nice b**** (she self proclaimed it!! but she's really caring la really...)
chinese..... (hears birds chirpping in the lecture hall)
oh well to the chalet stayover/jolyn's bday party... a bit sad that christabel didnt go... haiz the poor girl's sick. but as much as it was fun... i didnt enjoy it as much..
perhaps because i was the only guy from intaj since jared didnt go. i wish he went in place of me...
the scandals and anchor beer cans were really disturbing, and i absolutely hate things like that when i go out with friends and stay over somewhere... its absolutely irritating and i detest it.. ever since last year's service learning.. i will not comment anything here...
also felt disturbed with the OTHER scandalous things. please, keep me out of any girl/guy businesses... sometimes i rly wanna scream in someone's face.. just leave me alone can... i cant type everything here for fear relationships will be broken before they actually die.
anyway, emo and disturbed were the two main feelings i felt throughout the night... every chalet's like that, be it class or anything else.
hints are getting obvious, and our emo feelings may be reflecting the exact same thing.. i dont know about what's going on in you, but in me everything's exploding, and suddenly new concoctions are added to the previous', making me bubble and shiver in worry, fear, anger, sadness, excitement, desire, passion all at the same time. could it be? could it not be i have no idea and i'm confused. this is really super confusing.. 1000 questions spilling out of one mind at the same time. and when one is answered, it contradicts another.
emo gushh... its human.
me, i'm suppose to be spirit empowered at all times.
but when i may have something... its so painful to give it up and release it back to Jesus. painful.
painful seems to be a very commonly used word today.
her jovial bend,
like nail polish on hand,
grants me ecstasy, highs and a blush.
but in the absence of remover,
however loved,
still unwillingly taken away.
can nail polish really fit my hand?
Posted by keithc at 9:38 PM
Sunday, March 02, 2008
finally my first real week of jc is over. its really getting intensive.i gotta count my blessings and thank God for putting my trackers' friend, christabel, and so many other christians in my class... i do think they are neccessary in my class... as cj's pretty whacky in the culture and language. i can have a group of j2 boys coming in my class to check out who are the chio girls in my class... crap. was feeling so crappy la.. but what could i do when the leader of that gang is a repeating j2 that's in my class? i really hope things like this dont happen again.. and with fwords flying around.. its obviously different from fairfield. everywhere's different from fairfield... so i hope at least christabel would guide me back if i ever turn away and turn into some paikia.
i love my subjects now, econs lit math. it provides an excellent balance of boredom, interest and challenge. and h1 chem is just extra la. but i realised i love lit so much i wont be changing my subs to h2 chem and h1 lit anymore... thats right, i dont give two hoots about h2 chem.. i know i can reaffirm that because there's also a number of ppl telling me not to change...
also.. reading ppl's blogs about AC... i'm convinced i wont be able to survive there... (again, no matter what other ppl tell me) because its obvious many ppl dont know me at all. they think i can cope, they think i sure can. i mean with God of course anything's possible la...
but that doesnt mean i shouldnt thank Him for leaving me in CJ. its definitely a place i feel comfortable in.. if i compare myself to being in trip science last year... arts is definitely my route.. :)
not that i love the sexual elements in literature okay!! but its just more emotional, more based on feelings that i somehow like relating to it. i regret not taking lit in sec3/4!
now, therefore, while the youthful hue,
sits on my skin like morning dew..
ok that is actually a poem about some dude persuading his mistress to sleep with him!! super artistic right!! thats just one example.. haha. some more explicit man.
and then the graduation night for trackers... haiz it was actually quite sad.. but everyone was like smiley and all... nvm, i'm sure very soon everyone will be missing it... i already am! haha...
it was great with the worship and all (my apologies for not being to play, and as a result there was 1 less guitarist) nevertheless it was great worship...
and the camwhoring session was cool too man... suddenly everyone wants shots.. it was so sad la as if the next time we see each other would really be in heaven. dionne ball got emo and gave me some hand painted photo frame and my lady killer photo.. but its the effort that touched me la, it was rly handpainted with superman logos... hahaha.. must have took quite some time man..
and michele also wrote something short and sweet for me... man these emo ppl will make it far.. i also wanted la.. but gave up after 2 cards. cause rly no time..
had comm meeting on sat again... it was the longest and most taxing ever... and was feeling particularly disturbed about why ppl cant get prayer into their heads... even today, i got news they didnt pray again (ok my bad for not being around) but prayer is basic and part and parcel! i think we should just scrap it. then maybe we'll seriously learn the importance of prayer...
went to trinity meth today... first time i actually missed my own church service for such a minor issue. usually its either sick, or go overseas...
but well i made full use of it to learn from whatever service/lessons they provided... usually i'd screw up if i dont go to church to absorb and soak in God's prescence... but ronda was right, trinity could do that for me as well.
ronda is this crazy girl who by her own mouth could persuade me to get out of agape for 1 day... haiz. but its true that i wont be seeing them much anymore la.. whats more my church, being all the way in the west, its gonna be tough for any tracker to visit hahha... i wont post any pics we took during the farewell... if not i'll be sad again lol. and also because i havent received 60% of them yet. zzz. and 20% of them were ppl squeezing my cheeks. wads with my cheeks la... but i admit i realised they have become more stretchy since last year.. must be putting on weight badly. its ok! thats what jc is for.. help me lose weight for sure hahaha...
lastly, i'm finally coping pretty well... its true that a relationship would just ruin everything at this point in time. its kinda divine how i convinced myself to let it go. and managed to let it go. i guess the holy spirit does work in miraculous ways.. and i am able to once again really lay everything down in front of his cross..
why do we get infatuations when we know true love cant start now? this is horrendous...
really wishing you well, and all the best for both you and i in our studies and all. whether you know it or not it doesnt really matter, but in everything seek him first, and his kingdom.
-keith
