Tuesday, January 22, 2008
trackers has been lotsa highs and lows man...
not phyical or emotional, but mostly spiritual.
i mean- everyone's nice and high for God... on one hand i feel discouraged that they are that certain level and i'm only below, but on the other hand i aspire to be like these people, it drives me to want to have a closer relationship with God. which is good...
after a whole lot of weeks of enlightenment and new learnings and making new friends, i've finally settled down in trackers. it does seem like school all over again... with highs, lows, problems,solving problems, friends with problems and helping friends solve problems.
i still have problems relating to the older trackers.. i keep feeling like. they think i'm just a kid. a starter and a noob.. i keep thinking to myself "these ppl ah. not good seniors, etcetc" but i never thought of myself being too obstinate. isnt being humble and submissive all about this? listening, saying thank you, being open to criticism even to older people?
even if they think lowly of you, so what?
should you be more discouraged, or more rebellious and wanting to prove you are right?
no! i will not be either. being discouraged is listening to the devil's lies, and being rebellious is letting pride get into me.
such a fine line drawn... i'm afraid of falling. i dont wanna stumble....
this is where i need to rely on God more than ever. relationships have always been an issue for me since last year...
i did foresee this way before joining trackers, and i know i will have issues and relationship problems. i know i will be forced in a situation which i wont like... but i still chose to come because i wish to learn how to overcome it, and not be stuck in my own world forever.
i have decided to do a few things in order to help me keep close to God this month...
i will pray a min of 1/2 hour every night... (getting off the comp at 11 helps a lot)
do qt on the mrt train journey...
fast from suanning people. (i'm sorry if i didnt emphasize i was joking and you thought it was real)
be attentive to times when i can encourage others. (i dont have that spiritual gift for nothing man!)
If God intends me to just be the sec4 for my intaj group, then i will do it well.
some people are created to do everything, some for just something.
but because i cant do everything, i will not stop myself from doing that something i was created to do. -helen keller??
i will just pray and hold on to God for everything else. pray for annointed lips that i can control when and what to say. and not look so emo every morning??? also cant help it if its my face right.. lol.
just wanna thank some ppl for waking up my idea. xiaorong, dionne, sheldon, jared. some others? though at some point you may not be aware of it, but somehow something pierced into me. and i'm sure you're still great friends... so i claim that it was spirit sent to do a greater work in me, and i will act on it.
just hope i will be awake, filled with the spirit everyday and carry a more cheerful look on my face. hahahah....
keith.
Posted by keithc at 5:56 AM
Thursday, January 10, 2008
best birthday ever
9january 08 is the best birthday i ever hadd!!!
u wan emo blog? i give you. yesterday emotions of lurrve, sadness, happiness all spilled out all at once... it was an emotional time..
i started of the day feeling like i'm so old, already getting <5 smses the previous night wishing me a happy birthday... hahaha in order:
jared from trackers
dionne from trackers
fiona,
joel (church)
jacon,
xinghui (guy)
lois,
yanling,
shuyi (she called me before 12, its like a tradition alr!)
jessica,
Cheryl,
nicol,
joy Sim,
wenjie, (who i spammed on my way to trackers since its a 40min journe)
derek,
brian,
ian,
caleb wong,
samuel lam,
janice (churchh)
DORCAS KWOK,
ariel (church. this one my gf laa)
michelle, (jam friend)
sihui,
adelle (church)
kueider,
lennard,
fernando, (who called me cause he forgot in the morning)
daniel tan,
wait i thought i counted 12 ppl only.. i guess its when we leave sec4 when everyone really misses everyone and takes effort to remember birthdays? but all these smses made my day!
i compared this 9jan to the past few years', and i never had half as much fun on my birthdays.
(recalling last year)
mornings: SCOLDED EVERY MORNING FOR UNDONE HOL HW.
evenings: CRAPPING ON COM/RUSHING HW
latenights: REALLY RUSHING HW.
this happened for 4 days before my birthday. and on my birthday, i fell sick.
had detention, and vomitted 3 times. 1 in sch, 1 outside, 1 at home.
i suppose without last year i wouldnt have had such a great year this year!!
morning: trackers ppl sang me a song upon arrival! i guess it spread la... hahaha but then again they were so warm and receptive and i felt really happy when they sang the song for me. and believe this: there were people who i only knew for less than a week, writing cards and letters for me!! special thanks to jolyn, mei ping and michelle for today's one... u guys are a special breed...
coming home and expecting a family dinner, i got such a shock when i saw the 4f bunch pop up outside my door!! it was unreal cause even though i got a tip off (yanling u suck), i still didnt think they would really celebrate my 17th bday together with them! and pakat with my parents and sister also!
caleb cheryl daniel delci derek enping rophi samuel yanling i have been missing u all so much since christmas, really felt good to see all of u again, on a day where i was so especially high!
i promise to work out and look good in the tshirt u gave me!
u guys are the bunch i know that will be really busy, and yet i i also know u'll try your utmost best to meet despite everything, and keep everyone of us constantly in prayer.. i know i can lead towards any one of you for support and guidiance anytime. do know i'm not the low self esteem guy anymore, and i'll be glad to help any one of you in anyway too!
sending them off at the bus stop was heart wrenching for me... first samuel ran. i didnt even get to say a proper goodbye. then suddenly daniel derek delci and the majority all ran onto bus 14. i was like "NOO THERE GOES I"LL NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN TIL WHO KNOWS WHEN" ahhhhh.
then left 2 losers (haahah) rophi and yanling hahhahha. well at least not all left... and i hugged them like its gonna be the last time. i think its a good attitude if we treat every meeting we have as our last... u never know when ur gonna be busy...
after that, i proceeded on to church to meet with the church guys, who i ORIGINALLY was suppose to have dinner with.. i thank god for each one of you who put up with macdonalds food and waited for me at the agape and sang the song at the staircase. dont think my face revealed my joy,because i was really tired then already...
however i'm so thankful for the presents, the prescence, the laughs and smiles. that is enough for a birthday, honestly..
it was too special a day to describe, when suddenly for 1 day, everything revolved around you... its a privilledge that may not even come once a year, and i only have God to thank for such people around me. hopefully, i can administor to these people at least once in this year...
on a serious note, i have 1 week left to determine my future. i feel like crap being stuck directly in the middle of poly and jc. stupid yanling planted so many jc thoughts into me... i have no idea how god intends to use me and show himself through me this year... do pray for me, if ur reading this!
and on another serious note, i may be falling in love. 17 years old, and infatuations can now be controlled. but its building and i'm not sure man. but even if i am ready, i doubt she will be. i doubt it'll be possible for us anyway, and i know these feelings will just die with time, work and commitments along the year.
i seriously think 08 is a year of changes for me. something drastic is going to happen, good or bad:)
i dont like you, i'd like to like you.
keith.
Posted by keithc at 6:16 AM
