Thursday, June 21, 2007

re living memories

june hols has come and passed like a year had gone by... many things have really changed.. as i look back, no, not back into the p school days or sec1 days... but just back into last year, i realised things have rly changed...

yesterday when i borrowed the key from mr chua and opened the council room, he mentioned about it being an EVIL DEED. though i know he was joking, but i felt pretty bad as well... its so different, when
you once had the key to the bb room, but now u dont...
you once had some control, and now you dont...
you have the bb room key once again, but ur opening a different door...

really made me feel like.. bb is over, all over again. just like after farewell...

standing at the balcony, looking down at the guys and waving to lijia, i really felt like i lost a huge part of me, and the boys all growing and moving on whereas i'm still stuck back there. i really miss sec2 bb days when we just run around blindly and aimlessly, as well as sec3 when we went through the pressure of not being able to do much though we're coses...

tagged at alvin's board, and he replied with something... pretty hurting, though he most prob didnt mean it that way... makes me feel so out...
did i choose not to take part in LDC?? yeah... but i had a reason, and its pretty obvious... but i always want to be part of u all. its just... i missed it la, so too bad lor...

reply to alvin's tag: yep, and i'm not sure if i'm ever gonna join u all doing the things u do again...

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raging hormones have recently gotten lotsa hold on me, not sure if its a good or bad thing, since it keeps me from emoing.
i always think of you whenever i look up into the sky and its star-less, moon-less. i have no idea why... issit because when i was younger i used to do that and think of you? plus listening to songs like "sleeping with the lights on" and "here without you" and "perfect" everything just floods back in...
you never used to talk to me at all, but now u can so simply say hi... i'm glad, but arh. caught in between again. just thought if u could treat me like that last time... wadever, so long alr...

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back to friendly issues, i'm so much happier i can finally talk openly with the dude, makes my relationship life almost complete! but, as i've learned, i will continue not to emphasize that much into relationships already... life goes on again for me, wooo. i'm feeling freeier then ever, just being hi and bye friends... isnt always a bad thing...
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this hols, ended up not as good as i thought.. though i caught up on guitar stuff, but i failed to join wen, nat and gang for soccer... twice already... once cause of tuition and once cause of the vietnam outing. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

basketball with the old gang is unconfirmed... doubt torsten can make it this sat... ahhhhhhhhh

outing with the usual gang is also off... cause of RND stuff... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

on a positive note, s2e really helped... and do i look like i care when ppl give me that* look when i tell them i'm in s2e... freak off la... let me study in peace can? triple science cannot go into s2e arh, not happy arh...
learned more guitar stuff with my youth leader, and jammed after worshipp prac.. another session tmr!
vietnam outing was good, learned how to iceskate on first try, and bbq was great too. made good friends with isaac luke also.. they are nice ppl.. ahhaha.
ARH GTG BB
*

that was officially 14 hours ago when i had to rush off to rnd, surprisingly, it was really fun... had a good experience wearing the blazers and acting prestigeous... hahaha. taking lame shots... (last time i remembered it was with miss lui and science club ppl at National junior robotics competition! and guess what? FERN WAS THERE AS WELL!! p5 okay!!)
no habit of posting pics, so well too bad.

turns out that basketball gang is almost over... no one replied except xh, and i doubt we'll ever touch a basketball til the year ends... even so, who knows what will happen to relationships that have not been touched for a year?

i remember someone telling me this, it should be rather distinct...
we decide on which friends will last, and which will not... u'll know it in your heart. and when u know its not worth investing time in them, then let them go, u cant have friends by your side all your life...

instead of taking MY ORIGINAL approach to trying my best to be everyone's friend, i've chosen another friend's perspective... it should be obvious too....
i've decided "since their gonna go, then i might as well let everyone go now" which makes perfect sense, since everyone's gonna go eventually... its what's eternal that counts...
but of course, your friends are still there... those that say hi, give a nice smile and help you IF they can.. i'm not saying they are bad, but face it, theres no true friend there for u... but one.


one.


are you expecting too much from me? if thats the case, then i should forget about you too.
and i mean you, or everyone. reading my post.
and trust me, when i've decided to forget about you, it wont be very obvious to you...

you wont even think its hitting you.

Posted by keithc at 7:48 PM

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

snake+apple+keith and views

snake vs apple vs me

before i start, read genesis 3:1-19

1 Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?"

2 The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3 but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.' "


the serpent was just an animal under God. but he was crafty. a bad influence. he provoked eve by asking that question. however, eve was tough. she replied back with what God told her. she claimed it that she shouldnt have eaten the fruit.

4 "You will not certainly die," the serpent said to the woman. 5 "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."

the serpent made a 2nd attempt to tempt eve, showing her the good sides of eating the fruit. but who was the serpent? wasnt he just another voice? everyone heard him... but why did eve follow?

6 When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. 7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

eve didnt get tempted by the snake. she knew all along what the fruit will provide. she knew the good side and it tempted her even before the snake came into place. however the snake evoked thoughts which fired up a decision.
who decided to eat the fruit? eve or the snake? what was the purpose? taste or knowledge? it was both. eve saw the fruit as good for food (nice to taste) and (nice to see). but she desired the after effects. she desired knowledge. so she ate it.
even AFTER she ate it, her eyes werent open! it was AFTER she gave the fruit to adam that BOTH their eyes were open... they didnt know about the effects of the fruit... they didnt know specifically what they will get. but, they knew God forbade it. And they breached the law.

8 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden.

9 But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?"

10 He answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."

what difference does it make if adam went to look for God instead? in the end, God would have still found him, no matter what happened. Because God cares, and God loves us, even if we made a wrong choice. God will punish us too, even if it hurts him.
notice upon questioning, adam immediately said " I was afraid because I was naked" and not "i was afraid because i ate the fruit". he chose to try and save himself by changing the centre of focus.

11 And he said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?"

12 The man said, "The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it."

13 Then the LORD God said to the woman, "What is this you have done?"
The woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate."

God questioned further, and Adam immediately pushed the blame to eve. oh nono it was that woman you gave me. and i ate the fruit. Adam ate it out of his own accord as well. he ate it without thinking about anything else. and now because eve was the one who gave it to him, he had to drag her down with him.

eve then dragged the serpent into the picture, but once again, it was her who ate it. the serpent invoked thoughts... she tried to stop him, and she may have been more towards the NO side, but she still ate it. she desired for it. it tastes good, it looks good and it makes her clever. could she have resisted it???

after that, God punished all 3 characters, all evenly. why? cause they were ALL WRONG. he spared no mercy in whacking all of them up. no amount of blaming, changing the subject would have saved their asses. Did God tell them not to eat? yes he did. Did adam and eve know they weren't suppose to eat? yeah they did.

why did they eat? because of the snake? no it wasnt. they chose to eat. whether it was taste, looks good, or knowledge, or all 3, they have disobeyed God.

was it a minor sin to them before they ate? maybe. was it a really small issue? nothing much? maybe. did they feel they were still innocent? maybe. Did they disobey God? YES.

did they get what they deserve? their consequences further ahead in verses 14-19?

did they regret what they did? was their punishment too much?

was God being unfair? NO. he has never been unfair. he has always been faithful.

what was done cannot be undone. they could never have entered the garden of eden again. they have to live in disgusting conditions, out of a nice place forever. life goes on again.

if you were adam, would u blame God for finding out and taking away your privilleges?

if you were adam, would you have been sorry?

Or, would u have thought it was such a lousy decision, God shouldnt have punished me for taking that bite. see, eve put it in front of me, i didnt pluck it!!

sorry Adam, u ate it. now you die.

And after you're punished, God's still there for you. you rise up again, back to where u were and worked hard again. you had kids, now isnt that nice. if there was another nice fruit in front of you, will you eat it? no. because you know how wrong it is, you know you sinned.

did God destroy adam and eve and the evil world? no... infact, the bible had just begun. this showed God's plan, even though he allowed adam and eve to sin.

the life in the desert has just begun.

Posted by keithc at 12:29 AM

Sunday, June 03, 2007

more friendly issues

these words are stuck in my head currently.
"you guys are spoilers. it was a good trip with helping out the children, and we wanted to finish up nicely. but because of this disgusting act, you spoiled everything"
"everyone's going to go home with bad memories, bad feelings"
"how can we even come to vietnam with a heart of service when we are doing all these wrong things? will God take it as service to him?"
"you guys have wasted the entire trip"
- miss ong.

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back to friendly issues, frankly i'm fine with everyone, cept just one dude... one dude who was a real pain in my heart. one dude who deliberately outcasts me and just daos me openly. dude, i knew all the while. i've tried being nicer, being closer. i almost gave up, i tried being alone, outcasting myself instead of ruining your life with ur friends.
frankly, if i were not keith, i'd have chided you. where's god in everything.... are u struggling with issues u should have let go off? take matters into ur own hands... dun just stick to human thoughts. pray, and work things out. i just didnt see the reason to hate me anymore...
are friends so important to u? being a sore person, i will say: one day, u'll realise what's the true meaning of losing everyone, and only having God."
obviously, u never tried wearing my shoes right? u stab me, yet u never felt its pain...

i've lost everything.
whatever i have now, is bonus. BONUS.
so long as what is right and God is in mind...

but now, i really, sincerely hope everything's alright. a part of me knows there's a barrier thats thickening everyday... something i wont be able to break unless i really have to resort to last measures... and i really dont want to.
i'll be praying a lot for you, cause brother, we were brothers. we separated, and since we are for the glory of god, why not be brothers again? if this simple request u cant even fufil, then i hate to say it, but ur a fake too. fakes everywhere. even u know what a fake is.

a part of me hopes u'll read this, but a part of me hopes you wont. whatever it is, it is your decision... i have chosen already, but it takes 2 hands to clap...

is the gap getting smaller? or issit heat just expanding the solid parts?

Posted by keithc at 8:14 AM