Tuesday, April 22, 2008
your selfish desire is burning.burning you up.
you seem to have forgotten what life should be. thinking everywhere you go, you DESERVE the attention, you deserve the people God placed around you.
try and recall what happened in the past. how you made it alone. your reliance on Him isnt enough. Dont get complacent just because he poured out so much of His grace and love on you for the past few months.
your hope seems to be placed in the wrong things. just because a person helped you through in the past doesn mean you should place your hope in a human.
the high profile life isnt for you, so pls be slow to speak. Continue to seek Him first and his righteousness, everything should fall into place in His own timing.
love,
H.S.
Posted by keithc at 6:42 AM
Sunday, April 20, 2008
so here i am, back home. well rested and awaiting my tuitor to come.i called him to come.
why on earth would i choose tuition over an outing...
i justified myself with my own thinking. Here's the situation... here's the keith who doesnt deserve a place in jc. here's the God who delivered him and placed him there. so what should i do about it? Do my best obviously.
my conscience doesnt go to anyone else but Him. and i know i'm not being the good steward if i just decide to enjoy myself. confirm flunk.
i'm not the average student. the average student passes when he studies and fails when he doesnt. i fail even if i study...
no matter how much u are a close friend to me. no matter how much you love me and i love you, it just doesnt seem to get through why you dont seem to understand... and a few words or two are enough to just break it all.
i'm sorry i disappointed you. and i miss all of you a lot, i miss you everyday.
2 timothy 2:15
"Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth."
to be continued...
----------------------------------------------
okayy, continued. regarding the above verse, u guys shall meditate on it on your own.. hahaa its one of the main driving verses of my life this year.
with the happy updates coming now... in 3...2...1...
woo today's worship was excellent...
didnt intend to play this week actually... was thinking of leaving to either delci's or ronda's church cause eugene isnt around and i wasnt suppose to play. but joel urged me to stay due to the lack of advisors around.. so i decided to make today fruitful.
i played for worship in the end and gathered cell... its been quite sad really, for a cell group to be unable to have full attendance for like a month already. and it always seems kind of boring or draggy and long most of the time.. issit cause of the seriousness of eugene, or that we cant go into cell high and all? nonetheless, i thank God for today where all of us cept val (val u rock cont to train hard for hockey and do cj proud!) were there in kfc. it was rare, and i'm so happy everyone was kind of on as well, tracy rushed there immediately after she settled the june camp's registration.. :)
today the 2 newcomers were also greeted really warmly.. kudos to adelle and team! adelle i think your ministry is one of the faster progressing ones.. in fact all the ministries are progressing pretty fast... worship has new potential players too!
well moving on, i finally sense myself improving as a player.. indeed God has given me his spirit of courage to play confidently... the worship was just so good la... there were quite a few times i could worship and take my focus off the fretboard for a while.. and howkiat liked my riff. woo...
ariel is getting more pro too... i feel he should be the band leader instead of me.. he can train me la, with technical stuff... hahaha.
howkiat, i'm looking forward to hearing ur keyboard skills too... ahhaha...
oh and last wk, i was just telling dillon i wanted to buy an mp3 so i could listen to all the christian cds i got.. and guess wad? dillon just whipped out his mp3 to lend me! whoaa divine man..
and today joel lent me his old earpiece which is actually super zhai alr... praise God for his providence la.. hopefully with worship ringing in my ears everyday i can feel more encouraged.. :)
so back to the workman approved by God. lets do our best and not chase after false dreams...
God is here, his plan is now. our plan has to fall in accordance with his, if not nothing is going to work out.
just like how Range of F must be under domain of G in gf(x) for the composite function to exist.
OKAY THATS MATHS. but well its good enough an analogy whahaha...
and to jacon, happy birthday:) and to caleb, belated!!
thanks all, pls hold. (cj morning announcements language)
Posted by keithc at 4:00 AM
Sunday, April 13, 2008
OKAY... say say say... its been a great week though i've officially flunk both my math and econs test.i wun be blogging about today if cutter didnt ask me to.. sometimes u blog too much and ppl find u attention seeking but what la, u wanna read my blog thats why u come right! hahaha...
i'm beginning to wonder if i really do have a split personality... either i really do, or my moods take on the extremes, from dead serious to dead emo to lively funny... and now i'm lively funny haha..
slowly i hope as i grow, to eliminate the dead emo feeling, and just get serious and evaluative over my life should anything go wrong, before picking myself up again as quickly as i can.
life isnt measured where u are, or what you are, or how successful you are, but rather how you live every single day to its fullest..
so why emo for one week, if you can emo in 1 day and live the other 6 days happily? its making your time on earth here productive:) of course negative feelings and emo gushes pull you down, and usually i'd ask God to take it away... whether it goes away immediately or not its up to his grace, and this week it didnt stay or last long enough for me to claim this week a horrible one!
ok heres when life started being more fun in class last week, and it was on wednesday onwards...
on wednesday.. guitar ensemble is becoming fun and challenging because i'm with this bunch of pros and it spurs me on to learn faster... ahaha. and this girl cheryl in my cca is obsessed over writing notes on scores, so i just ask her to right everything for me hahaha... i think i am improving in my skills even though i may not having the time to practice at home... and i hope these skills will show themselves in ministry soon:)
and on friday night... was quite a shocking night cause i declined going to planetshakers concert.. ronda and jacon asked me but it was just too inconvenient and far... i'm glad jacon got touched and all as well, must have been really great. and i was brooding because SOMEONE couldnt have dinner with me and SOMEONE couldnt have dinner with me too. and SOMEONE went to planetshakers with her niam sister... niamniamniam.
so i was alone at home, knowing i'd emo cause no one else was there and everyone else was having fun elsewhere, i decided to study the night away at my uncle's house.
BUT joel called me for dinner with alvin.. woo we went out and he drove us to anchorpoint then holland... we discussed about serious stuff, sharing problems and all.. i must say joel is one guy who is really helping me to grow.. having inputs from a full-grown adult alvin is also great and i feel very important when i'm amongst adults...
NOT TO MENTION, the 8-bucks-one-scoop ice cream TOTALLY made my week... ok its insane la but once in a while.. with spare cash in my wallet...
saturday was worship prac for sunday, and i felt like i'm losing a lot of drive when i'm playing normally in worship... i'm supposed to be the band leader, and yet many things arent working out and i dont feel the huge burden to rectify issues... could it be because i have too many commitments i cant fully concentrate on every single thing? nonetheless it was glorious music and great worship, but i need my enthu-ness... hmm. i'm sorry corrine if i didnt do my best part as a band leader... and leaving u in dilemas or having lotsa stress..
the rest of the day was wasted, brooding over how tim hugh was having his worship conference at 35 bucks at faith methodist church and i didnt sign up!! andrew offered me a place but it was still pointless selling books there but unable to listen to what he had to say... urghh i'm totally envious of delci and her church who signed them all up man...
its ok, delci you zombie you better lend me those notes sometime! i cant believe i missed out something so vital and could be of great help to my ministry...
oh well and today on open sunday our various ministries presented and it was fun because i got to expose alvin, janice, ariel and dillon in front of the youths! i made them answer "how is my experience like and how have i changed ever since i joined the worship ministry" and their replies were nothing but encouraging and i'm sure it has impacted youths one way or another... hahaha. zheyuen and sean are my potential new members, PTL!
and worship min meeting was today too, it was the first one and eugene rly set things down straight.. it felt serious and i'm sure we all learned a lot as well.. i'm beginning to feel uber encouraged more and more... hahaha..
lets hope tomorrow wont pull me down, its gonna be a monday, the worst day of the week ahhaha... ok lets end this with some pics.. i chose today to camwhore with church ppl. cause my blog really lacks church content...
for all who have been wondering who my girlfriend ARIEL was, there!!! hahahha... he's one of the best budds in church and also everyone's drummer boy!
loisy yeo.. this pic is really nice! but the background really cmi..
guys in style!
dillon yo wassup siol!
i whole day look like that one -.-.
what who's that at the back! shoo go away!
lois janice and me... and my hand looks really gay.
howkiat acting cute
howkiat the bear
daniel who is also another adult.. his blog and stuff he says are really insightful!
you have my full support aspiring worship leader!
no comments. but this is alvin.
alright, til next time:)
Posted by keithc at 9:08 AM
Thursday, April 10, 2008
i really want to know, what BB is all about..why do people stay in BB, what drives and fuels their passion to carry on.
these are questions not for serving primers or seniors, but really, for the long-term officers, sheow en and mr tan.
hidden walls, there's just too many. people outcasting you silently, because u cant play a popular sport well or maybe you talk funny. maybe because ur not tall and fit like every other standard bb boy. or are able to crack hilarious jokes that may even be morally incorrect and yet it gets everyone laughing, so they love you.
why do the great people seem popular? issit fun, popularity, friends that fuel them?
the thought of true service, doing it for God and no one else seems hard for me to picture in my head in bb. its just weird, but of the problems in my life i had, my very own cca which i loved seemed to pose problems i never thought were possible.
just a couple of weeks ago one of my friends serving in bb, told me about why __ wanted to leave. because friends left? the "older, closer batch" is gone? the meaning of bonding and fun is gone?
how to bond bb boys, when you yourself have no bb friends to bond with? issit only a specific calling only the minority can have?
even in 33rd j, it seems to me the officers look like their on fire, is it because they are serving together with people from the same batch as them? and when you're the only one left, u feel like leaving... how is that possible?
it could be that God, seeing your heart for him, provides friends along the way for you. so does that mean if he takes them away, you arent called into the ministry?
and when you finally decide to leave, because u realise it isnt fit for you and it isnt the ministry you are called into, people leave you just like that. seldom a hi and bye, and maybe still harbouring bad thoughts, grudges or brandings on you.
ok, i've actually been talking about several people at the same time all this while, mashed into one. it seems being solo and being bonded with friends work hand in hand in the ministry in Boys Brigade, and you need to know when you are solo, and when you have friends to back you up.
but when u become too close with ur friends, and they leave. will you lose your purpose?
and if you dont become too close with ur friends, then what is bb all about?? where's the community?
i've never thought about this, no matter how emo i was last year in sec4...
God loves us, therefore he gives us choices... and there's no wrong area you are to serve in.
for me, its clear and i know my direction isnt here... but elsewhere. the time, devoted to school and church.
people dont serve because they have to, but because they want to.
bb dudes... it may seem like rubbish coming from me, especially. but i really hope if you are reading this to know "why am i serving?"
and i still hope to maintain great relationships with you:)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
ok, i just pangsehed my chem notes even though there's chem test tmr.. right now my mind just.. isnt right. econs seems good though, at least its a subject i like slightly.. hahahah. hope the essay will go alright...
chem is just 0.0 lost. really lost. always and everytime, moles moles and more moles and even though i survived Os i dun get moles. but i have been lenient with myself, first time to every single test.. what to expect? esp for econs and lit... gp as well. never even write things like that before, how to do well on first try? just die then try again la.
still, i need more discipline to get things moving. like that kind i once had... after school at 3, stay back study. meet miss lee til 6, go home, bathe, eat, then go uncle's house study til12. that was the kind of discipline i had! but is it only willing to come out of me when i am really desperate!? i need to try a new strategy... controlled discipline. which btw, requires even more discipline to control it.
ok thats crap.
but basically, managing your time to work and play evenly, is even more discipline than just working and working. and these days, the school feeling just stinks... workload upon workload, stuffy weather, PE, stuffy weather, mr kam's loud voice, super fast maths pace, lagging tutorials, its all too much to handle.
all of a sudden, an idiot called keith has to say "ahh life sucks!" whether jokingly or seriously it didnt matter, it came out.
and if affected the class. at least those around him.
it may have even affected the econs teacher.
i cant believe i said that. life sucks, knowing the dangers of believing in such a lie! does life really suck? i cant believe i had just crushed my own faith, beat it down with my own hands. that was a horribly stupid thing to say! we are made to be victorious in whatever we do! and once He promises, why do we doubt him and still carry on muttering our own thoughts to the world, as if we crave worldly attention.
from now onwards, there will be no more life sucks.
it wont even be "life sucks, but because i got God its good" thats paradoxical, why would God create you to suck in life, only for you to realise he's there to save u?
He created life GREAT. so lets embrace it and look at LONG TERM, not SHORT TERM. (woots econs is stuck in my head)
life rocks, we ought to have a positive attitude. can u imagine this:
"class, remember to finish the 3 tutorials i just written on the board by next monday"- a teacher.
"WHOAAA THANKS TEACHER, LIFE ROCKS MAN........."
what attitude is that? it may be sarcastic, but saying "life rocks man" just brings a boost to everyone, a hope that the 3 tutorials may be able to be completed! but what if it goes..
"whoa F--- cb---- (which is common language in cj btw....) LIFE SUCKS"
this kind of attitude will just bring everyone down, making school seem more sucky than it may actually be..
so guys reading my blog, lets just chiong the life rocks thing and try it out next week ok!
on the lengthy card
you promised me something
to hold on to
but when will it start?
this isnt a two way thing
but me mimicking myself in the mirror
hopelessness or hope
i cannot cope.
Posted by keithc at 8:03 AM
Sunday, April 06, 2008
urghh no work done yet..3 tests, and math is on tuesday.
math will comprise of 3 totally new subjects with 0 practice on my part... something tells me.. 32/100 again?
and i've only read through my econs notes... hmm and its on friday.
math, nothing. and its on tuesday.. hmm hmm.
i have no idea why every sunday night i have emo gushes. really there's no reason to it...
maybe cause i took a nap and i'm like a bit dizzy after i wake up, or that
CHURCH IS OVER. or that
SCHOOL IS STARTING. or that
THERE ARE SO MANY TESTS. or that
i really miss trackers. lol i know this is out of point. but i miss life that i love...
and i didnt exactly love the period after Os too.. well not as much as trackers i guess hahha...
well well this week's been tiring.. so many things to do and all.. urghh.
and i need to pass my 2.4.. crap la i'm perma unfit. and why am i 17... if i'm 16 i would surely pass.. btw cj's passing is silver.. so maybe i DID pass. hahaha...
i'm starting to rly miss the trackers ppl... miss eugene, miss jared. miss xiaorong and dionne.. miss ronda and glenda. miss pastor kaiming and shawn, elisabeth and vicky ahh intaj hasnt had another meeting since the one to little india whahah...
i miss the days we just spend learning about the bible.. just there early in the morning at 9am though everyone else is sleeping at home. (excluding the jc dudes la)
i miss being that hyper and serious for God. qt and prayer in the train every morning, when there's just the nice sunshine and time... oh, time...
9-5 in trackers, and yet there's this freedom and time..
issit impossible to keep these relationships, God included, as strong anymore now that school has started?
1/2 hour quiet time seems impossible everyday...
and lessons, everyday it gets harder and harder to concentrate..
i should stop this, i shouldnt rave on about how hard life is now, but yet cling on to the victory that is promised. must chiong, must smile, must do.
though i'm here slacking and blogging... i shall consider it rest.
and then work after my rest...
all that talk about being the men and women we were created to be.. it may seem like crap, but then it is the ideal and we must strive!
ok this emo gush feeling has no basis for being in here. i conclude it something thats not suppose to be around. go away u crappy feeling.
i think after i finish my homework i'll be a happier person lol.
nothing to blog about, except that the speech for today's mission sunday went well... first time in front of the congregation and pretty unprepared also!!
however i thank God for the courage that he gave. after all, the mission trip is MEANT to be brought back to tell the church how it went...
i hope some people left church inspired or pricked by my message... i really do.. then it would have been worth it! somore tee loon got the external world vision team to get pratas, nun and indian food for us all.. power man!!
oh oh, and my gp teacher's gonna teach us up til june! fantastic man.. i promise to do my best for gp since i'm so tyco with my points whahaha... honestly, it was just a random thing that sprung into my head.
or MAYBE I"M A REALLY GOOD THINKER? WHAAHHA... MR HOII WROTE "insightful! :)" ON MY PAPER WHOAAAA... big leh big leh...
and then i'm just gonna flung the next test for sure... ahhaha...
whatever la, i cant even memorise those chim words properly.. kept standing up and all, oh well.
but gp is rly quite fun. however lit's poetry is still the most fun.
i will be praying for all poly friends this entire week... it is confirm gonna be gruelling, shocking and scary. lois, if u are bullied must tell me ok! i will pray even more for you.. i hope you grow to love your course over time so these 3 years will be joyful:)
for those jc-qualified friends who went to poly, bear in mind that poly is a choice you made, and
no matter how hard it gets, DONT regret not going to a jc, thats the most important... make the best of whatever you're given and dont give up!
to be continued..
