Saturday, September 23, 2006

exam stress+ friendly issues

hihi... i'm blogging YET AGAIN. haz this few weeks have been really horrible, cause of the upcoming exams. its sunday, and exactly 1 week from now i'll be sitting for my EOYs... the time's 3pm, and i have wasted 3 hours doing nothing but on the com and guitaring.

WHY

cause i cant take it... its sian. whole day take book and see. the feeling's repetitive. boring. monotonous. i rather do drill in the hot sun.

also, my mood hasnt been good. ahh i hate to admit it, but come to think of it its like pms. every little thing affects me. how hot the classroom is, how green our chem teacher is, how disgusted i am that topics are still taught at the last day of the week. (physics/sound and chem/redox for 3F) friggin screwed la.

i kept praying this whole week.. and i think its not tt god's not doing anything for me, its just tt i'm not motivated enough to make myself work.

----------------------------------------------

alright, now for the emo part.
recently we have been planning for something... but due to some miscommunications, jacon and i did the wrong thing...
honestly up till now, i still think. why cant we let go of certain things?

my buddies have been blogging as well... typing messages of hate, agony... stuff like "DAMN YOU SHITFACE BASKET I HATE U" stuff like these... its all painful to read and type and then after posting reading them again right? we should learn to let go and accept things... even though they suck. at the most we boycott systems like these la... friends like these also can DAO one wad... wad happened to god's mercy and "i'll forgive u" and stuff? CHILL GUYS!
maybe everyone should seriously listen to coldplay. it really makes me more lax.

recently there has been lotsa confessions as well... wenjie said he hated all of us in sec1... LOL. i promise u wenjie, i'll never do tt joke again.
also, fenando has a MAJOR CONFESSION HE TOLD ME. too bad, u guys will never know it in a million years. if it leaks, my life's at stake.
tuck yan told me on msn... something tt made me real happy to have him back as a super close friend? i know some things are un-doable, tuck, but we can always start again with the rest... i think ur really nice..
shuyi too... and then kueider... its like everyone's revealing his/her true self now.

my true self's not really nice... cause if i release myself, its just me, and the world. there's no god. there's no friends. and i'll just turn cold..
i cant do this ever again..

friends are getting distant, and the real world out there is finally seeping into some of our lives... guys, if ur reading this, maybe its time to do something? say a quick apology, like me.. and everything will be alright again. sometimes, face has to be put aside. speak your mind, let everything blow over. and in time to come, everyone will forgive everyone again...
dun blog about it. its the same as backstab, but u run around the person 2 times before doing so. (if u dun get wad i mean, it just means tell the person straight.)

but if ur the one in the wrong... it would be wise to seek god and pray first, before asking another friend, and then making a sincere apology...

one more thing... if u have friends that may be wrong... always do the right thing. tell them what u feel. straight, and dont delay it. things will worsen if u do... even if it means a cold relationship for a whole week, always do what's right.

a confrontation is NECCESSARY!
BE A MAN/woMAN, DO THE RIGHT THING!


loving u guys as much as i ever did,
keith.coldplaying.

Posted by keithc at 12:04 AM

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

worship+ stepping outside [THESE WALLS]

hey haha.. i'm blogging omg. this is so rare really...

today, did worship... ahha. i felt really good, cause at least friends and i can finally do something for the school... its good la, contributing sometimes.. and its productive too.. haha.
some ppl said it was good, some ppl said it was bad, perhaps cause the songs were really new? i dunno la, i just did my best. planning was all under Zi Jian.
and i'm sure, SURE, posi+ive 100% that God was happy...

alright so tt marks end of serving in worship until next year... zzz.

then i got my results back, and i thought "when will i ever do well" cause its sickening when it started, but its boring if it keeps happening. first 31, then 29, then now 27, and it could have been below 25 if my GEOG DIDNT GET F9. and it has to be counted in L1R5... I"M SO SORRY MRS CHOE, I LET U DOWN. she's most prob the nicest teacher in fairfield, but then again i screwed around too much. someone shoot me. i mean- what kinda teacher scolds u, but instead of feeling angry, you want to do more to make that teacher proud?

bad la.. i struggled for my a math and e math but seems like its onli this far tt i can go.. why ah. like sai like tt.. and i feel for this term, everyone should be getting below 20...

pray for the ppl getting 25+ even til now, real miserable about it.

got this song recently by teddy geiger (didnt realli like his curly hair) but he's good, check it out man.

[these walls] (fragments)

These walls can't be my haven
These walls can't keep me safe here
Now i guess i got to let them down

Cause everybody tries to put some love on the line
And everybody feels a broken heart sometimes, yeah
Even when i'm scared i have to try to fly
Sometimes i fall
But i've seen it done before

I got to break out...
I got to break out...
I got to step outside these walls
Love outside these walls
I feel my heart breaking
But its a brand new day
Im going down
Im stepping out
Im stepping outside
These walls
(I've seen it done before.. i'm walking on, i'll walk it off, oh i'm moving on)
_______________________________________________

thought it meant everything study skills taught us, GET THE SONG, fantastic..

coldplaying.keith.

Posted by keithc at 7:37 AM

Friday, September 08, 2006

SS day 3: I FORESAW IT, I KNEW IT. AND ITS TRUE,.....

SS day 2 already confirmed my suspicion i had on day 1, where i suspected fairfield was different... ramesh/ melvin confirmed it..

scolded us for being complacent, too fun loving, unable to appreciate what we have. ZZZ, i wish ppl in other parts of the world know about this too... GO ADAM KHOO, GO GLOBAL.

ok as much as the 2nd day was special, today was special too... said stuff i never got to say. spoke my mind, my hearts out... it was tough.
also very touching to see some ppl going up, putting face aside and thanking their parents, its really nice! hugs and kisses to everyone.
dun forgot who planned for all this to happen! god did. and we should be hugging him as well, a big hug for even giving us parents..

to caleb: i've treated u as a higher up peer all this while! juz wanna say i love u as much as all other bb boys... yay.
and to derek, really touched by the sms, thought it was super sweet! hahaha... u'll all do very well, i'm sure...
to yiling, emo(tional) people will always support, always, and... well...
to tuck yan: maybe u should tell ur mom again?

natty: i love u too!
and wenjie: wonder when u'll stop playing lan.. HAHAHA.

and shuyi: get well soon!!!

kk dun wanna elaborate, very long. but those guys who went for study skills, i'm sure it'll be etched in ur mind for a long, long time...:D

learned SO MUCH, SO MUCH. more then u'll ever thought i learned. realised SO MUCH TOO, and from now onwards, i'm gonna be a different guy... and constantly remind myself that I WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE HERE, AND MY LIFE ISNT MINE. I HAVE A HUGH DEPT TO OWE MY DAD UP THERE, AND I"LL DO WADEVER IT TAKES FOR HIM TO BE HAPPY... even if tt means studying. zzz.

guess i'll love the subs from now onwards,

keith.coldplaying.

Posted by keithc at 9:26 AM

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

SS day 1: "fairfield is in this land of lalalalala" <----so true?? i've learnt...

hello again! hahhaa.... today theres a post!! and no! its not term 4 yet. why am i blogging then?? cause...

ITS A POST THAT I FEEL IS IMPORTANT, AND SPECIAL REGARDING TODAY.

today was day 1 of study skills, the adam khoo course we are actually attenting for the 3 days. overall, more entertaining then enriching, since its the 1st warm-up day. speakers were pro and clever. also, i feel very sincere, which is a quality they SHOULD have if people were to pay 1000+ for 3 days....(outside school of course). they all speak with something in them, that they want us to do well.. which is purely the purpose.. i take my hat off to adam khoo without worrying wad other people say about my hair beneath it.

the first speaker was the rashem dude... i felt he's a very experienced guy.. been there done that and seen many people as well... wad he said in the morning made full sense to me... about the poor kids, how lucky we are, how the world is like and how we should be living not for the sake of studying or other people.

he said lots about other leading schools and the unity they share, about how ENTHU they are about learning, courses... (sounds so idealistic yeah) however i feel that opened a new mind in me, that if we ARE really like that, treating learning as seriously as playing a team game of serious soccer, learning would stick in my head and we can all learn better! makes sense right?? and its not LAME or wadever, its just a whole new perspective we arent used to! see other schs are doing it.

ramesh felt disappointed, he didnt elaborate, but he said something that made PEOPLE LAUGH, THOUGH I DIN FEEL IT WAS JOKEY OR FUNNY AT ALL.
he said fairfield people are like this happy lot, living in a lalalla world. having fun, and where life is rich, fufiling and well education system's actually good. people were laughing at this point, cause maybe his accent was funny? but i got a real serious message, and that is even though we all seem likable, "nice people" yes, that i agree, but deep inside is that how we really are? why are we still engrossed over material things? woo fairfield is a christian school. we are christians we worship one god. we love him yeah THAT I AGREE. then why are we spending $100+ on a bloody sling bag or branded shoes and pencil boxes? why do we seem to be popular when we are just trying to catch other people's attention? are we SO OUTGOING, SO LIKABLE, SO ACCEPTABLE? i really dunno. does god really speak to these ppl???? God created us to LIKE PEOPLE, not get people to like us. i used to TRY to be likable yeah, but since quite a long time ago i gave up. i just wanted to heck everyone. that's a reason why i quit friendster, cause i realised in order to get people to write nice things for me, i have to write for them. if i dun like writing and find it a chore to keep replying, WHY DO I STILL CONTINUE? so heck. i'm me i like it.

to me, i dun have to be so impressive.. i just nid some friends, a closer lot, a commitee where i can talk and share my deepest darkest secrets with and to comfort.. this is how we grow stronger in our faith and get over our dark times.. i'm sure everyone would aspire to have close friends...

wad about the girl i was crazy over? was it love? yes until now i still stick to it, i really loved her. but its juz too bad that we juz cant be together... well now i've realised the truth on bgr, and its that we should hang out with friends more... enjoy and expose.

soo i'm CONFIDENT ramesh was right.. many ppl i know, or in fairfield sec3 have the multiple split personalities.. i have too! i get sad, yeah feel bad. sometimes serious, sometimes just hyper. my hyper isn't fake, it just doesn last long... hence yeah i'm a moody person... i just have to control or hurt someone.
hence i really urge fairfield ppl... search ur true self again, and give the world wads in you, really. for the sincere self will always be better then wads fake.

i dun wanna realise one day my friends are all gay dont i? so might as well hit me with it now then in 5 years down the road..

okok pls post ur comments on my tagbox... would really appreciate it. and just tell me u hate my post if u do k?

yours sincerely,
keith.coldplaying.

Posted by keithc at 8:35 AM