Saturday, March 14, 2009
the mountains and valleys are steep. really steep.
i was just telling a friend from trackers how i totally swang down into the valleys after the mission trip, even before trackers ended.
luke 9:23:
"if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself, pick up his cross daily and follow me."
christianity is a daily commitment. it is not a one time belief and passport into heaven. God never meant for his love for us to be one-way. if we dont love him back, we cannot be sure if we'll be going to heaven, honestly. because only he knows how to judge our hearts at the end of our lives. he'll know those who have been feeding the hungry, clothing the naked but not honouring their parents, closing his eyes to the spreading of the gospel deliberately. he'll see those who love God's blessings and worship him with all his heart, mind, strength, in spirit and in truth, but never credited all the glory to God, rather, crediting everything to himself.
he'll see and judge those who pick up their crosses on sundays only.
he'll see and judge those who pick up their crosses on days which they feel like it.
the dark side is tempting and enjoyable, but also consuming.
and im making a confession now, no music i listen to is more shiok than the darker / heavier sort. i dont even know what they're singing because i'm not the listener who goes for lyrics, but just in terms of pure music, anything dark and heavy captures me instantly. and its shiok.
but i realise as i continue, song after song and repeating the albums, i dont want to listen to anything else. i can just let this go on forever, because its too shiok. is it consuming me indirectly? and when i go back to the stage on sundays, i get tempted to dump in a little more gain. a little more bass. though i'm still worshipful and desire none other than to glorify God, i cant help but desire too to hear myself sounding a little heavier.
i wish God would take a seatbelt and just wrap it around me. if my life can be a robot just for him, perfect, pure and blameless, i'd change this state in my life for that.
do i have the discipline to truly deny myself daily? and i know God's love and mercy trumps all, but we can never have the attitude of taking it for granted, if not we will never ever grow in him. so will i still deny myself of anything thats not of him? the subtilities like the sort of music i listen to? my own ideologies and theories formed in my head? will i still debate against my pastors and elders in church over theological topics? (because pastors are much closer to God than usual people) things like, is drinking ok for christians, clubbing? etc etc. when i truly want to seek the real thing in God's heart, i think all these little things have to give way too. being pseudo is just too grey..
Posted by keithc at 4:15 AM
