Saturday, December 20, 2008

Youth camp 08 was a blast.. it was mindblowing and i never expected so many things to happen.
as much as i tried to run from being branded as "leader" for this camp, there were still so many leadership issues i had to face. Why, oh why were humans made like this, to have so many internal conflicts though everyone has a heart for God?

do i have to humble myself til i become the lowest of all leaders??? yes, and i wouldnt mind that because Jesus himself made himself nothing. and yet if i do that, then what kind of leader am i? i am merely a follower.
it takes so much, perhaps just for me, to consider being a servant-leader. after all, all leaders are but servants in God's eyes. why do we then have to "rise up", "take charge", "assume authority"? is there a way a leader can go on without hurting other people and even himself? im not sure for when Jesus experienced joy, he had his share of sadness and loneliness.

i am such a rebellious person. i wont submit to a higher authority happily unless the reason' good enough for me.
i will never submit happily to an authority of the same level, but only because Jesus did it.
i will never submit to a lower authority. if so, i must have some some thought that because this person is so insignificant, i might as well just give in for fun. Oh God i need to learn how to be joyful in doing all these, not grudgingly.

on one hand, i am learning to be like Jesus but on the other, im not happy at that instant. i suppose when we give things a shot with the right intentions to imitate Christ, He will teach us, mould us and give us the joy He promised. therefore, my take on leadership- is not about ability, but whether or not i'll be able to sustain it.

the youth camp was a blast simply because i could sustain my 4 days. in terms of energy, God provided. in terms of state of mind, it was great. in terms of purpose, i had it. in terms of conviction, it was stronger than anything else. but i have to get back to the reality again, the camp only lasted 4 days. how can i sustain another year into ministry leadership?

the camp affirmed me though, in ways i never thought i'd be able to. i found myself speaking with passion, playing with passion, leading people like i never knew i could- all these by the power of the Holy Spirit. looking back, it just couldnt be me that did it. i have never done such a thing, and will never be able to do it again anyhow. God was seriously there when the youth poured out their struggles, bad secrets and tears to Him. He in return, poured out his Spirit unto them. and i never thought i'd see this happen in Agape, though i've seen this elsewhere and experienced it so many times this year. when we were praying before the EWG, God assured me and Isaiah was brought to my mind- about his response to God,

"here i am, send me".

and after that, i knew God was going to use his camp committee, together with Joel to minister so powerfully when we prayed for all of them.

on the lighter note, this camp was also very fun. the games were awesome and i was just so surprised at the variety of games jan and her committee came up with! hahah the banana one made me laugh like crazy! the blind drawing the elephant was also hilarious, and the peanut butter face paint was just sick. hahahah!

overall, as God made everything beautiful in His time, so it is for AYM as he chose this time to show us such huge flames of Revival. let us cont praying that the fire will keep burning!

i am changed.
i am free.

Posted by keithc at 9:32 AM