Tuesday, January 22, 2008
trackers has been lotsa highs and lows man...
not phyical or emotional, but mostly spiritual.
i mean- everyone's nice and high for God... on one hand i feel discouraged that they are that certain level and i'm only below, but on the other hand i aspire to be like these people, it drives me to want to have a closer relationship with God. which is good...
after a whole lot of weeks of enlightenment and new learnings and making new friends, i've finally settled down in trackers. it does seem like school all over again... with highs, lows, problems,solving problems, friends with problems and helping friends solve problems.
i still have problems relating to the older trackers.. i keep feeling like. they think i'm just a kid. a starter and a noob.. i keep thinking to myself "these ppl ah. not good seniors, etcetc" but i never thought of myself being too obstinate. isnt being humble and submissive all about this? listening, saying thank you, being open to criticism even to older people?
even if they think lowly of you, so what?
should you be more discouraged, or more rebellious and wanting to prove you are right?
no! i will not be either. being discouraged is listening to the devil's lies, and being rebellious is letting pride get into me.
such a fine line drawn... i'm afraid of falling. i dont wanna stumble....
this is where i need to rely on God more than ever. relationships have always been an issue for me since last year...
i did foresee this way before joining trackers, and i know i will have issues and relationship problems. i know i will be forced in a situation which i wont like... but i still chose to come because i wish to learn how to overcome it, and not be stuck in my own world forever.
i have decided to do a few things in order to help me keep close to God this month...
i will pray a min of 1/2 hour every night... (getting off the comp at 11 helps a lot)
do qt on the mrt train journey...
fast from suanning people. (i'm sorry if i didnt emphasize i was joking and you thought it was real)
be attentive to times when i can encourage others. (i dont have that spiritual gift for nothing man!)
If God intends me to just be the sec4 for my intaj group, then i will do it well.
some people are created to do everything, some for just something.
but because i cant do everything, i will not stop myself from doing that something i was created to do. -helen keller??
i will just pray and hold on to God for everything else. pray for annointed lips that i can control when and what to say. and not look so emo every morning??? also cant help it if its my face right.. lol.
just wanna thank some ppl for waking up my idea. xiaorong, dionne, sheldon, jared. some others? though at some point you may not be aware of it, but somehow something pierced into me. and i'm sure you're still great friends... so i claim that it was spirit sent to do a greater work in me, and i will act on it.
just hope i will be awake, filled with the spirit everyday and carry a more cheerful look on my face. hahahah....
keith.
Posted by keithc at 5:56 AM
