Friday, May 18, 2007

all results

fine, since everyone's blogging about their results i see no reason to act cool and hold back from letting the world know how crapped up i am too.

firstly, if you chance upon this blog, u'd either be thinking "no this guy is not in my category, he should be out of our league" or "at least someone's doing worser then me, heng ah..."

dun deny it, its true right? even if u are a close friend, one can never deny thoughts like these cross your mind.

whoever blogged about Bs... please dont. whoever blogged about himself deserving to die, deserving to _______ please dont. cause i only had 2 b4s... and CHINESE was one of them so please spare me. i read ppl's blogs just to know more about them, and yet i find myself drifting further. telling myself "nope this ppl are so different. is there no one that is in my situation?" but yes, there is someone in my situation. you all know who too, but you all never gave a shit about us right.

L1R5 32, hope that's enough for you. (nice rhyme)
its also up to you to think if i tried my best. i shall give u an honest analysis, up to u to believe too.

i woke up 2 weeks before the exams. but was still busy so i started studying on the friday 2 weeks before exams.

tried moving into the bb room... everyday staying back til rather late, (except sundays of course) just trying to do a maths tys. first time i did this too.. broke some barriers. yes, i felt proud of myself but still... its just not enough!

did A LOT of a maths. some chem. neglected E maths, physics, english, chinese.
chiong geog on last day. hecked SS. covered bio syllabus on last day.

everyday was steady, until amaths and chem were over. i had no drive to do anything last min for physics, e math and bio prac.

dunno how i passed e math and physics.. making my two C5s.
english C6. honesly, i thought it was a tough paper.. if u thought it was easy just close this blog pls.
emath was not hard, but i didnt do anything since the previous e math lesson. so what can i expect.
bio was SO DISSAPPOINTING! thought can get b3... 64.5 also. oh well i deserved it.
chinese was my only improvement, with a b4. and i owe it all to ian (who provides me with neccessary competition and encouragement) and xu lao shi.. she's the best.
chem failed. nothing to say also, 'im just so lost for chem.
a maths WAS THE HUGEST REGRET I MADE. there i was trying not to disappoint miss lee, trying to prove something different, that i made an effort. but after this, it'll be back to square one. miss lee will continue. my tuitor will continue. my dad will ask me to drop a maths, or dun focus on it at all.

so were u thinking of what i suspected? i dun care, you did. so ur not the worst, pls rmb. i hope to at least use my results to encourage some of you, if it can. and this is to ppl who did their best. i did too, for the 1+weeks.

and if u got it, or at least suspected it. i'm at war with myself, and people around me. i cant stand fakeness so please mean what you say. and be sensitive. i'm as emo too, but i'm clinging on to god. thats why i have not cried, or cut, or wadever i wanted to do when i realised

what the situation in class is after thursday, and where i stood in class..

to those people in class. i dun hate all of you. but please just dont talk to me. i am a danger to myself and you.

i just wanna wait til i get better.

Posted by keithc at 8:23 PM

Thursday, May 17, 2007

honestly, i really don't get it.
ten thousand times have i resigned everything to God.
u raise me up and throw me back down.

and pls, its not just results.

its just about everyone around me.

2nd time i've subdued my mind, i will not let sin take over me

no rants, no rarrs. just shut up and let me emo on my own.

Posted by keithc at 7:02 AM

Friday, May 11, 2007

-a turnover?-

i really have friends... as in really. and i thought everything was just fake, meant to be. but theres this warm side in me, which just cannot refuse friends.. why?

thought my mindset was that it'd be over, i'll keep to myself.. friends are secondary. but i was wrong... they are really just so nice. why think so far into the future, that they'll leave you, they'll have their own paths...


just cherish what you have now. thats how i think it should be now... :) why does my mindset keep changing.

i wanna highlight these 4 ppl esp.. they are.. a special group of friends i would say...

wenjie and mence. i dunno how much i mean to you both.. maybe nothing, maybe just something. but to me its okay, cause you both are the ones who built me and woke me up. you guys will have a special place in me regardless of whatever...
initially thought they knew nothing. but i'm proven wrong...
always thought they werent that close, esp after the event. but i've noticed for very long alr... everytime i had fun, you guys were around. at lan, studying in e bb room... its always you 2. and i never thought why did u both still wanna hang out with me... thank you so much:)

delci and yanling.. always thought u girls were the nicest things in 4F... so fun and encouraging. maybe a bit naggy, but the naggy stuff make me feel like i'm someone important, and thanks for that.
always so encouraging but yet u never expected any encouragement... i think its really something...
didnt think i would become a close friend, but i guess its all in time. you both molded me too...
used to think that "oh. huh? delci/yanling got 29/30 AGAIN? expected la. imba la" but now i know why you both want it so badly... and its making perfect sense to me.. you 2 will always mean a lot to me too...
sometimes its tough being imba, and now i can understand it... thank you for sharing, and opening me up.

i read samuel's latest blogpost, the person was just like me. exactly. and he had friends who didnt like what he told them, and ranted on their blogs. just like me too. but its ok, since everyone goes through the same thing... and i have learned... friendship has been taken to a whole new level. its tough to explain, but to put it simply, and VERY SIMPLY,

friends are good people, but watch what you say.
------------------------------

of course.. many other friends helped me, fern, tuck, jacon.. just that recently these 4 are really worth mentioning... the ones who are not afraid to hurt. i'm pretty touched..

oh well to sidetrack a little, can somebody get me spiderman's alienwear costume. its totally cool and it can make pockets for u to store stuff. and i'll feel good. maybe can play soccer better. and i'll be totally mean. like u know having guts to scold miss wong "incorrigible pig" like how she did to me. maybe make me a lil more hyper in class. and dance cool. with angsty hair. oh well.

for that i deserve to be condemned i guess. black is so not my colour...








Posted by keithc at 10:52 AM

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

can i try to look on the brighter side of life?

can i try to look on the brighter side of life?
*
rar exams are more or less over...

really feel very disappointed at myself.. guess i got too broken by a maths and chem monday, had totally no drive for physics and e math.. physics was like. blah. then e maths paper today will be condemned as my worse paper this midyears...

not because i suck at e maths, but because i didnt care and died in the end...

another 2 sided point of view.. half of me says damn keith. you should have mugged ur ass off wad.. how can u let a maths affect u until dun do e maths anymore?? how can? werent u so much stronger... walao...
and another half says whats the point. u tried hard, tried to break it. but still its the same... freaking dun give a shit la... like who will care even if theres a 10mark increase. go sleep la... u dun deserve to put up with this.

well, whats done is done... felt my highs and lows. though one thing's for sure, that is, (this mid years are still screwed), but i can be sure i tried my best... until a maths and chem were over. tried alr.. but i wun adopt the 2nd attitude... will keep pushing.. will keep trying. for now, i really wanna rest, but one fine day,
on one perfect, crystal skied,
bright orange morning...

rophi, you and i will see the brightness of the sun. tee. (as quoted from mdm toh)

Posted by keithc at 6:59 AM